In which I try to convince myself a pet is a good thing

O dear reader what can make one so wide awake at 2am?

Discovering a dog pissed in your bed is surely a good answer if you live in my house.


GAH!


I mean, what the hell? Why?


I was just snuggling in with the man when I smelled pee. Gross! I removed the top cover which was dry but had a whiff near my head. My thought was she's been lying in my bed and she needs a bath and well maybe it was just from her being in the bed.

And it was dry.

And surely she wouldn't have pee'd with us in the bed?

I went back to snuggling and relaxed my legs into a straight position. My! That spot feels cold!

......too cold......

And possibly wet?

What? Wet? NO! It couldn't be.

Shuffles foot around a bit....

Son of a biscuit!

Well filth and flarn! Should I wake up the man? He's been asleep for hours.

Poop!

I can't leave it like this. I have to get up and see the damage. Double poop!!

The ensuing mayhem in our room would have been comical were it not for the fact that it is 2 am and I am unceremoniously waking up Mr Crankypants.

You see, because I don't pay him money to be awoken at odd hours of the night, Mr Crankypants takes a rather dim view of me interrupting his nocturnal slumbers.


(We won't even go into all of the nights his pager has woken me up in the night over the past 16 yrs. That is a story for another time.)


Anyways, Mr Crankypants couldn't seem to understand why I had taken a sudden interest in his feet ( another thing he despises-- anyone touching his feet) at 2 am. Nor could he understand when the pee had been deposited. Because the dogs had been in their crates for over 2 hrs. How could I only now be bringing this injustice to light?

My impatience with his dimwittedness and downright Crankypants attitude resulted in moi being told to not be such a (insert female dog in heat reference) that would have been best suited for either of the two possible culprits.

In which case I just started laughing. Because how could I not?

He was so confused and bewildered that I took pity on him.

Besides which my wrath had other people, er dumb animals to be focused upon....

I got the new sheets. Thanked the gods the pee hadn't made it past the mattress pad. God bless you Martha Stewart, you crafty witch for convincing me I needed a mattress pad all those years ago! It is definitely an investment that has repaid me many times over.

And then the man actually saved the night by remembering that we had a spare room from which to steal covers. Because I was trying not to do the chicken little dance while wracking my brains over how we could heat the house enough to sleep in just sheets tonight.

Duh!

But in my defense...it was 2 am! And I was groggy.

So now it's 230 am.

The man is back asleep and snoring lightly next to me. The fire has been stoked because the guest room blankets are nowhere as warm as mine.

( hey! You have your way of ensuring guests don't stay long and I have mine!)

And I am trying to get myself unwound so I can go back to snuggling and possibly go to sleep.

Tomorrow's going to busy. I have dogs to sell to the first band of roving gypsies that come by the house. Hmmmm.... I wonder if they read Craig's list?