An ode to nothingness

A wave of melancholy flows over me.  I say I can't explain it but deep down I know the cause. Honesty. It's all I want.  From you. From me.  I think I can verbalized and then it it is caught in my throat only to be swallowed and once more hidden within my depths.  Do you experience the same?  

 A shame that's what it is.  A pity too.  

The strength that could come from being so raw is so appealing and yet that one iota of fear holds us back.  

Well, me.  I know myself. I can't speak for you.  

And are these just flights of fancy?  Imagined slights.  The workings of an over active imagination?  

I want to believe. And yet there is something. Something so primal it almost forces a scream. 

Intuition is a hard mistress to ignore. I beat at her and beg her to leave me alone.  

My self doubt is threatening to drown me. The unknown unbearable.  

Reality now a subjective thing that I can never know.  

Philosophical ponderings only adding fuel to the fire.  The only known is that I will never truly know if it is all lies or redeeming truth.  

All I know is how awful it feels and it refuses to leave me completely. Robbing me of all peace.  

A sad madness settling down and mellowing into the melancholy that has taken hold of my soul while waiting for miraculous words from you to clear it all away.   Futility. Hopelessness. A crescendo of despair.