Comfortable

I was lucky growing up to have only lived in one main house.  It was home.  In fact, even after many, many years of living away, when I think of home I often will feel a connection to that old house and all the memories that were made there.  

Change and moving on are always a challenge.  Humans are by nature a creature of habit and as such, they are usually content to stay the status quo.  Tonight I am thinking about what changes and moves may come in the future for both me and my family.

Time was that I loved to move around. It was exciting!  It was almost expected.  The move to college was terrifying to me.  But I made the leap and eventually embraced all the constant changes that went along with it.  I moved every year into a new apartment. I could fit all my belongings into 2 milk crates, one large laundry basket and a back pack.  I was constantly forced to evaluate where I wanted to live, what I wanted to study and who I wanted to be.  I was surrounded by new people every semester and was given new opportunities to try things I wouldn't have otherwise encountered.    It was exciting and beautiful. 

Then I moved here. I've been in the same job for 18+ years.  Brian and I have been together 15 years this month.  Now my belongings would probably need a UHaul truck to move.  There are kids.  Animals. It's not just me that would have to adjust to the changes. 

I'm pretty content with where I am.  I don't really want to change. But I know I need  to.  Because as comfortable as my rut is, I owe it to myself and my family to make changes.  And not just all the little changes that I continue to make, but some major changes. 

Like getting my Masters and making a career change.  And I can't help but think of how that will change things for my kids and Brian.   It makes me nervous.  And apprehensive.  And a lot like I felt when I was 17 and faced with moving 40 miles from home.  At least this time I get to stay in my home. Allow my kids the same connection to one place, just like I had when growing up.  Provide them a rock when they eventually start having to start their own journey. 

If experience tells me anything, it will be exciting and so worth it.  I just wish it were easier.